Reflect, Rework, Renew

I've never been a huge fan of New Year's resolutions, since most of them have sounded punitive to me. For the past two years, though, my wife and I have undertaken a modified version of Gretchen Rubin's practice of yearly commitments. Kathryn first did it in 2019 - a list of 19 things she wanted to do that year. We made our lists (10 individual items and 10 shared items) with good humor and optimism in early 2020, based in intentions like getting out together to the movies more, and developing deeper friendships by inviting people over to dinner. And then COVID-19 hit, and we became our own meme of "how I caused the pandemic."

As I reflect on my 21 for 2021 list in this last week of the year, I have to confess that I feel disappointed by the things I tried and failed. I planned to make my own sourdough starter, but I failed on multiple attempts. I laid out an ambitious reading list of 21 books I already owned; I read (or started) about half of them.
21 books
(Books I'm still hoping to finish circled. But seriously, it's the 29th.)

And read 21 minutes a day? I guess I did, if you count newspaper articles on my iPad, but I really had books in mind. I had the idea of knitting a sweater for Kathryn, but due to pandemic restrictions on in-person shopping and a snafu with the yarn dyer, ended up spending too many dollars on the wrong color of yarn.

As I grumbled to myself about all these things, I took a look at an Instagram post from the originator of the idea and learned that Gretchen Rubin herself did not get to all the things on her list. And as I look back over the year as a whole, I see that I read a lot of books I didn't even know about when I made a list 12 months ago, and I baked many new things even without a sourdough success.

Who did I think my list was for, anyway?

At the kitchen table the other day, Kathryn suggested we decide whether some things could be rolled over; the rest can be a page that we tear out of the metaphorical book and move on, she said. It's good advice, and it grows out of the experience we have all shared over the past 22 months, adjusting to unexpected reality over and over again, reworking plans and then reworking them again.

What really helps our household keep it together are the habits we have developed and the structures we have put in place and maintained. As Rubin writes,

"Habits are the invisible architecture of everyday life. If we have habits that are good for us, we're far more likely to be happier; if we have habits that are bad for us, we'll find it tougher to be happy."

Doing a little knitting daily, writing down how I'm feeling so I'll know, eating a breakfast that gives me the right kind of fuel, creating space for a daily devotional time with Kathryn, staying on track with work and personal tasks in my modified bullet journal, devising a meal plan for the week (including who is going to cook and when to get takeout), baking something from scratch on Saturdays -- these are all habits that make me a better person, a better partner and parent, and a better coach. They are life-altering in the most ordinary ways. I renew my commitment to these, and even when I fail, I will keep coming back to them.

What's working for you? How will you renew your commitments in 2022?

As I send this email, I am praying for you.


P.S. A friend sent me some dried sourdough starter, and I'm going to give it another try.

Clergy Coaching Opportunities in 2022

As we turn the calendar page, we may feel wary about what's coming next. What supports do you need in place to care for yourself and the community you serve in 2022? Would you like to lead differently or reinforce your identified strengths? Coaching creates a space to reflect, rework, and renew commitments, a space in which self-insight opens the way to the change you want.

Enneagram and Leadership

Have you wondered about how working with the Enneagram might enhance your ministry? I'm delighted to share that I will be leading another Enneagram and Leadership cohort for NEXT Church, beginning on January 20. Using an interactive approach to studying the Enneagram, we will identify natural gifts and reflexive tendencies; develop strategies for problem-solving; become conscious of blind spots and triggers; approach conflict with self-awareness; and refine our communications with others. Participants will learn alongside a cohort of peers and receive both group and individual coaching. Although NEXT Church is a movement within the Presbyterian Church USA, coaching cohorts are open to ministry leaders, lay and ordained, in any denomination.

Find all the details here: Enneagram and Leadership.

Individual Coaching

Beginning in February, I will have a few openings for new clients. I work with pastors from many denominations who bring a wide range of topics to coaching. As your coach, I would be a thinking partner, ask questions that invite reflection, and offer accountability for the goals you set. I also offer Enneagram coaching outside the cohort described above.

To learn more, schedule a complimentary 45 minute call in January to explore how coaching can support your ministry.

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