reverb10

Catching up — #reverb10 days 17, 18, 19

December 17 – Lesson Learned.

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward?

(Author: Tara Weaver)

I learned that in a time of turmoil I not only have external sources of support (friends, church, etc.), but I also have personal resources. Experience, a measure of wisdom and a deep faith have carried me through a difficult year.

In the past, I'm afraid I've sometimes put less emphasis on my faith and more on my human relationships. I defended this by saying I was open-minded, which is all very well, but it's not good when it dilutes the essentials of a person's faith. This year I've learned to start from that core of faith and move outward instead of focusing on the outer life and making room for faith in it. I am living a much less worried life! I hope to continue this in the New Year.

December 18 – Try.

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it?

(Author: Kaileen Elise)

In 2010, a friend suggested I apply to a workshop for writing pastors, but I did not because I had no idea where I would be working when it took place this fall. It was a great idea but the wrong timing. I would love to apply if they hold it again in 2011. I will say, I didn't look at the application with a strong sense of what kind of writing I wanted to do; I was still toying with poetry, but that well seems to have run dry now. I've done a lot of creative writing for worship, from monologues to multi-voice poems and liturgical dramas. I've also written some children's stories that I would love to refine and perhaps publish, books you could read at home but also use with children in worship. Maybe 2011 will be the year I get a clearer sense of a writing goal beyond the sermons I write each week.

December 19 – Healing.

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011?

(Author: Leonie Allan)

I'm not sure I'm healed this year at all. I feel cared for, and I mean this both medically and emotionally, but there are a lot of open items on the list in both areas that require more care and attention. 

LP and I are both struggling with Christmas right now, for instance. As the Mama, the one who is supposed to make Christmas happen for others, I'm kind of in trouble, because I'm not on my Christmas game. I got the tree, and I sent the cards, but I am just not all that interested in presents. I suggested to the kids that we fill each other's stockings, and I'm wondering why? I think I had the idea that we could all do small items for one another, but now it feels a bit overwhelming.

And not that interesting.

This could be grief. We've had a lot of loss in our lives, and one major near miss in Snowman's accident that has left us all in a shaky place. I still can't look at him or think about him without wondering how he managed to survive. It's that close. 

So. I remain vulnerable, open, permeable. And that's all good, in balance, but I think there's a protective coating for heart and soul that has been rent and needs repair, and I'm not  quite there yet.

The usual things that feel healing for me, the renewing pursuits, have not held their usual appeal. It may be that the tick-tick-tick of time is what I (we?) need. Or I may come across what heals and find it's something new and unexpected.

Drummer boy I will say this, and it relates to the first entry above. I'm finding Advent and the Christmas preparations at church deeply meaningful. Perhaps because I'm so raw, it feels more real? Each small action feels huge, from handing a gift card to a person in need to figuring out where to move the nativity figures each week in their journey toward the manger. I'm just glad it helps to be there, to be at worship, to be in prayer with the gathered community.

For now I'm a wounded person managing surprisingly well because the arnica of faith, carefully sheltered by the bandage of other people's love, seems to be balm enough to encourage very slow healing.

 

4 thoughts on “Catching up — #reverb10 days 17, 18, 19”

  1. I totally understand that sense of worship feeling powerful in times of being internally raw….much love streaming your way from here….and hope that 2011 brings less sorrow and more hope, less pain and more life, joy, and fun. (for all of us, eh?)…

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