The first rule of Thanksgiving: when roasting chestnuts in the oven, set the timer, or you may have explosions.
The second rule of Thanksgiving: at 7:30 on Thanksgiving Eve, Trader Joe's has no more pie crusts, not even in the freezer. Don't wait for the guy who claims they have some.
The third rule of Thanksgiving: you cannot make a homemade crust if you don't seem to own a pie plate anymore; make the best of it with the graham cracker crust and the gluten-free crust you already bought earlier in the week, for heaven's sake.
The fourth rule of Thanksgiving: when it's a small family group eating at your house, and the turkey weighs only 13 pounds, it's okay to sleep until almost 8.
The fifth rule of Thanksgiving: if you have to give your assistant chefs advice on following a box mix for coffee cake, you may be in trouble.
The sixth rule of Thanksgiving: after the turkey is in the oven, introduce your younger children to the original "King Tut," because they just don't know enough yet about Steve Martin.
The seventh rule of Thanksgiving: stop opening the oven to baste the turkey!!! You lose heat!!! (#1 Son looked it up on the Internet. Leave the bird alone until about half an hour before it's due to be fully roasted.)
The eighth rule of Thanksgiving: any televised dog show that skips over the friendly Berner is no dog show at all.
The ninth rule of Thanksgiving: take a more careful look at the oven temperature before walking away from the turkey. Still hoping for the best.
The tenth rule of Thanksgiving: listen to Ella when she sings, "You're sublime; you're a turkey dinner."