Why, oh why, does the reminder call about a hair appointment raise
questions about almost every aspect of my life? This is midlife
madness, or something. I didn't like the way it looked grey, but was I
colorless because I was sick? I like the way it looks now, but is that
really a good way to spend $150? (With the haircut, but still.)
is so much identity stuff wrapped up in it.
my lowest weight point of the great Don't Let's Call It a Diet effort,
in the late winter of 2008, after nine months of effort at taking
better care of myself that coincided with wearing my hear short for the
first time in years and grey for the first time ever, I posted a
picture on my previous blog, a picture I took of myself. I was on a
self-love campaign. I was also in the beginning of my first RA flare
and in pain I could not understand.
the picture. I got comments. Oh, boy, did I get comments, including one
encouraging me to expand my self care to include a trip to the hair
salon, which was sad because I took this immediately after *returning*
from the hair salon, hair crunchy with product. Someone may also have
kindly suggested makeup, or maybe I'm just being overly sensitive in
memory. I definitely look careworn, something I didn't see clearly
then, but I couldn't sleep, so that has to be part of it.
Suddenly I saw myself as colorless.
The next day I made an appointment to fix the one thing money and half an afternoon could change.
But every time I do it again, I feel weird about it.
the roots are apparent, the call came to remind me, and I say to Pure
Luck, "I'm having a moral, ethical, spiritual and financial crisis."
"Which one do you want to talk about first?"
"It's all one thing! My hair!"
He makes the Lurch noise. We will not be having this conversation. I take another picture of myself.
This is not the best of the six I took, but it's representative. If I
smile too hard, my crow's feet blossom! I like the "sun-kissed"
appearance of my cheeks, which was not created by artificial means. I
can't believe this happy person –and really, I am one–would be
horrifying if you put the grey hair on her, except maybe to herself,
now and then, here and there.
Do I let it happen?
The appointment is on Saturday. I'm tempted to change it to a hair cut.