Children

Family Living

Last night I took Snowman and Light Princess out to dinner, and I asked her about school while Snowman was away from the table.

LP: Today was Condom Day in Family Living.

Songbird: Really.

LP: Yes. We had these 8 posters that showed the steps of how you use the condom, and we had to put them in the right order.

Songbird: Interesting. (Trys to imagine the 8 steps. Fails.)

LP: I didn't volunteer to take one, I didn't feel it was necessary.

Songbird: Huh. (Not at all sure how to respond to any of this.)

LP: Yes, and George (not even close to his real name)? Got the one that said Relaxation.

Songbird: Relaxation? How is that a step? (Cannot even imagine, isn't that the one thing that makes it impossible? Clearly undereducated.)

LP: I guess it comes at the end.

Songbird: (Glad this is an open conversation, but remains unequal to it.)

LP: But the funniest one? "Leave room at the tip."

Snowman: (returning to the table) Condom Day?

Songbird: You had that, too? You never mentioned it. I don't think I even SAW a condom until I was practically 40.

Snowman and LP: (flabbergasted)

Songbird: (hopes they aren't doing too much social math)

18 thoughts on “Family Living”

  1. Can’t say that I’m all that experienced with them myself, but EIGHT steps??? I am clearly undereducated, too.

  2. Complicated, for sure. I believe SonShineIn had a lesson involving a banana in high school.

  3. I’d like to add that they also received a positively terrifying lecture on STDs.

  4. Love the post!
    Reminds me of the time that Portia, age 5, turned off the car radio announcing she “wanted to talk” and then proceeded to give me the third degree on the subject of EXCACTLY how a person contracted AIDS.
    Afterwards I figured she had heard a PSA about it. So I started playing kiddie CD’s in the car when the kids were in it.

  5. LAUGHING. OUT. LOUD.
    (I, a formerly married lady with extensive use of the object under discussion, also cannot imagine 8 steps).
    TOO funny. I love your kids! And you, natch.

  6. Your story brings back fond memories of when my oldest son, now 14 years old but then about 3, embarrassed his paternal grandparents by telling them how babies are made. He’d just gotten the information out of me and his dad, and we used accurate anatomic terms. As embarrassed as the grandparents were at his frank description, they tried very hard to stifle their laughter when our son told them that babies are pushed out of the mommy’s “ben-gina” and into the world. 🙂

  7. At our house, due to Local School Board Policy of Epic Fail, we did Condom Day in our very own living room, sans posters and with far fewer steps!

  8. Banana lesson here…though we were only allowed to watch the teacher gilding the banana, as it were, and not allowed to touch the banana ourselves.

  9. This post and the comments that following have me rolling in the floor. My oldest and I had similar frank conversations. I am trying to imagine this conversation down the road with my youngest 2. Oh my. LOL!

  10. Oh my… I laughed through this entire post. Times, they have changed!! EIGHT steps? Really? Hmmmmm…

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