The Perils of Facebook. Also Winter.

I owe a lot to Snow Days past. I got started blogging (twice) on snow days (in 2003 and 2004, the latter being the start that really took). I found real blogging friends on a snow day (2005). I learned HTML coding on a snow day (also 2005, but now they’ve made it so easy you don’t really need to know how anymore for most blogging platforms).

This year’s snow days will be accompanied by checking friends’ status updates on Facebook, which also means seeing their pictures. Which I generally enjoy. But because of the 30th high school reunion I did not attend last September, I’m getting friend suggestions for people I have not seen in, well, 30 years, and I’m getting an age-based reality check.

We don’t look the way we used to look.

(Please don’t tell any of them I said that.)

All the gals in pictures I’ve seen from the reunion have great-looking hair, and I am ashamed to admit that even at 47, I’ve yet to be a consistent hair arranger. I’ve made all sorts of bad choices where color and length are concerned over the years. My straight hair turned curly about ten years ago, and I haven’t ever learned how to really maximize the curliness or blow dry it into the shapes achieved by the brilliant woman who cuts it now.

Seeing the pictures also makes me feel very grey, although officially my hair at the moment is a “warm chocolate brown.”

(Please tell me most of my classmates are coloring their hair.)

I’m tired of coloring my hair. If you’ve been a reader for a while, you know I let the grey come in, lived with it for a while, and then couldn’t stand the thought of going on a cruise with my RevGal friends with that dull hair. Voila! Brown again.

But I have to say I really hate spending the money on it. So I’ve been thinking of reversing course.

(Please don’t mention to Pure Luck that we are talking about this. He doesn’t care whether my hair is brown or grey and would probably be okay with purple, too, he just doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.)

2008 Pictures 246Yesterday I called and canceled Monday’s appointment for cut and color and made a new appointment for Friday, for just a cut.

I need you to know, in case you don’t, my hair is VERY grey, especially in front.

(That’s a picture from last February. It was Mardi Gras, in case you think we wear beads all the time.)

I remember feeling more authoritative with grey hair, and for a woman preacher who is 5 feet tall, that is not to be dismissed lightly. I also think a lighter color might in fact be kinder to a softly aging face, but I don’t mean I think I ought to go blonde.

Some pictures I see of my grey hair make me want to scream and run out of the room, but this one, I like, so I’m studying it on this Snow Day.

And if no one is grey at the 40th Reunion? Well, we’ll know that’s just false.

Feel free to share an opinion, understanding, as Pure Luck does, that I’ll listen very nicely, then go out and do precisely what I want.

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21 thoughts on “The Perils of Facebook. Also Winter.

  1. God_guurrlll

    I started turning gray at the young age of 17. Haven’t colored my hair because I think it looks rather distinquished on me. I have a bit of a mischevious face so the gray makes me look mature. It works until I open my mouth πŸ™‚
    Anyways, my partner colors her hair herself. She’s a natural brown but wants to be a redhead. She’s done very well color her own hair and it’s very inexpensive. That might be something you can try.

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  2. Mary Beth

    I just found a highly improbable connexion via Facebook and it caused me to look back at a high school yearbook…which actually made me say, “YOWCH!” The faces looked so young and unformed. Did we look better then? I don’t know about that.
    I always thought I’d let my hair grey naturally. But, no. I do have it “conditioned” every 4-6 months (it’s a highlighting/lowlighting process) which allows some of the grey to show and keeps the whole thing from getting dull looking. And I get to play with RED tones, which I had as a baby but not much since. It doesn’t have to be done as often as a full color either…I don’t want that much maintenance!
    It works well for me.

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  3. Joan Calvin

    My hair came back steel gray. I hate it. It was graying before I had chemo but I has highlighting it (yes, lots of money). It was soft. My hair before were a mousy brown, but the highlights looked natural and blended when it grew out so I colored it only about every 3 or 4 months. Now, I don’t know what I’ll do. I can’t highlight it (at least I don’t think so) because when it grows it will look awful. And it’s curly. UGH. And besides, I don’t want to look distinguished. I’m mean enough that I don’t need the extra kick of being gray headed.

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  4. esperanza

    Though it doesn’t show in my facebook picture, I have lots of gray myself. Got the first three my senior year of high school. I just keep it. Maybe it makes me look older than I would otherwise, but most days, that’s a good thing. That, and I am WAY too cheap and lazy to keep up with the color thing.

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  5. Magdalene

    I recently colored my hair (which had been naturally natural for about 5 years…hmmm… since my ex moved out!) because my son said, not unkindly, “Wow, Mom, the grey’s really coming in, huh?”
    *!*
    I went out, as i said, and colored my hair with a “semi-permanent” color. Now it’s growing in grey again (my temples are the first to go). And… it’s out of my system.
    I’m also 47, btw… 48 in April.
    Do what you want. It’s your hair!! Do what makes you feel good, and banish the judgmental voices.

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  6. Jane Ellen+

    I am also 47, and colored my hair for the first time in seminary, maybe 5 years ago. Not to cover grey (I only had a few grey hairs then); I simply decided that I wanted my summer “in the sun” color (red highlights) year ’round. And I color it myself– a truly remarkable achievement for someone my beautician sister kindly terms “hair-challenged.” It’s not hard, and MUCH cheaper than the salon, even with buying better quality color.
    As to the grey, I think of my mother, who firmly maintained that she never had grey hair or wrinkles. “Those are service stripes, and they are earned.” One of these days I’ll stop messing with the color and the grey will appear, and that will be fine.
    Whatever you decide to do with your hair, it will still be you wearing it, and for that I am grateful. (^_^)

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  7. WideningCircles

    When I look in the mirror I tell myself I’m still sort of blond, but when I look down at the floor after having my hair cut, what I see is definitely grey. I don’t care. It is what it is. In the few pictures I’ve seen on your blog, you look great either way! I have seen older women who obviously are having their hair colored and I’ve thought, that just doesn’t look right, but I don’t think you’re up to that point yet.
    Some 20 years ago, when my hair really was still sort of blond, my hair dresser offered a complicated procedure which he promised would give me back “my natural color.” But I thought, wait a minute, what I’ve got is my natural color. So that didn’t work for me, but you’re you.
    That isn’t helpful advice, I know. But I do believe it’s important to do whatever it is that makes you feel good inside about yourself, and only you can decide that.

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  8. none

    Ummm…I’m beginning to collect grey hairs, but since on the whole people seem to assume I’m substantially younger than I am (only one more forty-something birthday) I’m reluctant to let them have their sway for the moment…so Hattie Gandhi and I have a colouring session most times that she’s home from college. She turns from blonde to auburn, I just spice up my non descript brown. You look great either way, but I think the way I treat my own hair probably tells you what I’d do if you were me…xx

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  9. Lisa V

    I think gray hair is aging on some, and invigorating on others. It depends on your complexion, life, and attitude. Do what makes YOU feel good. And that can change with your whims.
    As for the styling. Don’t let your hairdresser blow dry it if you don’t every day. Tell her you want it cut so it looks good curly, and you want her to show you how to style it in a minimum amount of time.
    Seriously, don’t fight your texture. Straight hair needs to be left straight and curly hair needs to be left curly on for day to day wear. If you want something different for a special occasion, then do it. But expecting people to take more than 10 minutes a day on their hair is unrealistic. You should be able to look great and feel good in a minimal amount of time.

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  10. revdrmom

    You know my hair is VERY grey (almost white)and has been for years, and I like it that way. The idea of coloring my hair on a regular basis was more than I could deal with, and I couldn’t have borne the cost at times (although I admit to spending a large amount on really good hair products these days).
    But really, you should do what makes you feel best–that’s what really counts.

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  11. Jan

    The last time I colored my hair was last August, before my 40th reunion. Since then, I’ve stopped. I have a lot of white hair. However, today a friend asked me if I was dying it blonde! That certainly cheered me up.
    BTW, I gave you a reading award over at my blog.

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  12. Katharine

    I’ve been graying for years, and at 49, I like all my gray. Yours looks lovely on you. Do what you like, but I’ll cheer if you keep it. πŸ™‚

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  13. Lauralew

    I agonized about this a while back, then decided to let it go gray. I want my money to go to other things as well as my time. Actually, since I’ve also let the hair go its naturally curly way, the gray looks like I’ve highlighted it and looks pretty nice.
    But–I’ll echo everyone else when I say do what is right for YOU!

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  14. Jennifer

    Sounds like it’s just a very personal decision. I’m 49 and I’ve been coloring for many years because I have a very pale complexion and I look old and tired and pale when all my gray is out in the open.
    Do what you like–and that which makes you feel terrific.

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  15. Ruth Hull Chatlien

    I’m 50, and mostly you still can’t see the grey. There are a couple of noticeable patched in front of my ears. There is a lot on the underside for some strange reason. For years now, I’ve been wondering when it was going to start coming in.
    The non-grey part is a very dark blonde. For most of the last few years, my bigger concern was deciding whether to highlight it lighter. I’ve stopped doing that. Now I have to decide what to do about the finally noticeable grey.
    I don’t know if there is any right answer. As others have said, it’s a personal decision.

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  16. Sue

    I grew up as a carrot-top redhead and loved it. When I hit my twenties, it started greying and getting a bit mousie looking, so I started “conditioning” it (or colouring, if you want to put it, you know, honestly…).
    Last year I decided I had done the conditioning thing for long enough and let it grow out. My stylist is brilliant and worked with “low-lights” to make the transition quite lovely.
    Now I am mostly grey, but it’s a nice grey, more like silver which is just what I was hoping for. And the cut is wonderful, easy-maintenance and (the best part) I only get it trimmed about every 6 -8 weeks. When I was having it professionally coloured, I was there for touch-ups every three weeks. It cost me a small fortune. I could own an island somewhere for what I paid in hair colour.
    I am lovin’ the grey. I turn 50 this year and it just feels right. Do whatever feels right for you. You’re fab-you-lous no matter what!

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  17. stcasserole

    Do what you feel good about. It’s hair color and you are the one who knows what you like.
    You are a pretty girl. Your curly hair is a great asset.

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  18. KathyR

    I was blonde as a child. Then I was less blonde. Then I was more blonde again (a miracle!). Then even blonder. Then like almost beige, I was so blonde. Then brown. Brown? The boy, then 4-ish, said: “Mommy, when are you going to get that yellow hair back.” Then blonde. Then a little darker blonde. Which is where I sit now. But then, you’ve seen my Facebook picture. The gray blends in nicely with the highlights. You’d never know it was there.
    Do what you want. Change your mind often. Be glad you have hair. Mine seems to get thinner by the week.

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  19. Camera Obscura

    Ack, I’m not one to tell you “do” or “don’t” re: color. I’ll be 47 in three months and you have to get me in the sunlight and look for ’em to find my grays, but they are there. But most folks my age that I know have been coloring for years. Unfortunately, I got my grandmother’s jowls and thin, down-turned lips, which means even though I don’t color, I look my age. Oh, and I’ve had a perm since I was 17 1/2, so I can say noth-think about going with what my DNA gave me.
    Facebook is a frightening thing sometimes. I haven’t hooked up with my high school classmates because there are very few of them that I want to know I’m still alive. But the “People You May Know” keeps suggesting my little brother’s friends, including his college bff who instead of being a wild, long-haired music major is now a rotund, balding, bearded, bespectacled insurance salesman. How the mighty have fallen. I don’t want to know what the pretty teenagers I went to high school with look like now. Leave me my memories.

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