Thank you so much for your comments on yesterday’s post. I’m not sure whether it felt riskier to hit publish or not to do so. After many months of managing well, this was the first significant lapse I had experienced. I’ve spent some time evaluating the "whys" and "wherefores," but what feels more important is to get clear about how to bring a lapse to a halt.
Here are the things I did:
- I told the truth, out loud, to another person, in this case Pure Luck.
- I put into words just how crummy I was feeling about it.
- I recorded the food I had eaten, which was not easy, and I realize now there were things I didn’t remember.
- I wrote it down where y’all (and the world or a slice of it) could see, which makes it feel more honest.
- I went to a Weight Watchers meeting even though it was not my usual day.
- I resisted the urge to eat "one more thing since this day is ruined anyway."
- To set myself up for success today, I planned out all my food first thing, and I stuck with it. My weekly points are all used up and then some, now that I remember everything more clearly, so there will be three 20 point days unless I manage to get in some activity (wasn’t possible today).
There are so many bright notes about how far I’ve come to this point, I am motivated to keep it together. But I also can see how dangerous the vicious circle of sweets is, especially when the high-fat, high-sugar items are in the house. I’m not used to having them, and my body reacted like an addict’s to the drug of choice. This should come as no surprise. Baked goods were my drug for many, many years. There are definitely times I’ve had a little piece of something in the past seven months, but always under more controlled circumstances (at an event, for instance, so the food was not in my house). When I’m with people, it’s different. I’m busy interacting.
I want to say that I ordered Julia Cameron’s book today, suggested by Katharine, although the chances I’ll ever write three morning pages a day by hand are slim given my tendinitis and bad penmanship, but I am interested to read what she has to say.
I also took WideningCircles‘ advice. I’ve been telling myself there was no need to buy a new coat since anything I buy now will be too big next winter. This means I’ve been going around in a non-fitting fleece cape or a way-oversized barn coat, and neither of those does much to reinforce my attitude. So tonight I looked at the Petite coats for sale on the Talbots website and ordered this one.
Thanks again for your words of support. Apparently it takes a village to free a bird.