I have a new pair of shoes. Molly doesn’t understand why I want to cover my feet, although she thinks the little pom-poms look delicious.
The Princess thought these shoes were pretty ridiculous. I ordered three pairs of flats from Old Navy and offered a pair to her, since we wear the same size. She was relieved to learn this was not the pair I had in mind.
She doesn’t understand red shoes that look like a cable sweater.
I’ve been buying new shoes because, as the "Don’t Let’s Call It a Diet" life change proceeds, I am shrinking into new sizes of clothes but don’t want to spend too much on any one size along the way. Yet one must have clothes and one must celebrate achievements. I’ve lost over 30 pounds since going to Weight Watchers on June 30th (a little more from the number I weighed at the doctor on June 26th). I have two new pairs of jeans both two sizes smaller than the jeans I would not have dared put on my body in late June.
And I have some new shoes. A few pairs. Um, okay, perhaps "several" would be a more accurate description.
This time last year I wore clunky shoes. My feet hurt, I didn’t want to think about what impact my shoes had on my outfit or how I looked in my clothes. In fact, I mostly wanted to ignore my body and attend to what I considered to be "higher" things.
I used to joke about my father that he could not manage practical matters because he was "too busy thinking great thoughts." As much as I loved and admired my daddy, and as much as I love him still, ten years after his death, and as much as I value becoming more like him in some ways, that is not the one.
I feel myself, gradually, becoming more grounded. I like it. Oh, there are still plenty of tricky situations to negotiate, mostly the interactions with MYSELF! I’m having no trouble kindly saying "no thank you" to more corn chowder at a church function. The folks at church have been affirming and supportive as they watch me, as one said last Sunday, "melt away."
Their transition year has become my transformation year.
How am I doing it?
I’m following the Weight Watchers Flex Plan, learning to comprehend portion sizes and finding that it’s possible to eat the foods I love in appropriate amounts at appropriate times, with some trade-offs. I’ve learned to do without half-and-half, not because I can’t have it, but because I’ve decided I would rather use my "points" for other things.
I budget in some sort of treat every day, sometimes two.
I have managed to keep up with activity while Pure Luck has been away, even if it’s not as regular or as extensive as it was when he had me out walking nearly every day.
I have practiced patience with myself and my middle-aged body and have therefore avoided any lasting injuries. When my knee hurt on the Health Rider, I changed up my exercise for a while, and when I went back to it I adopted a more moderate pace. I’ve done the same thing with the elliptical, keeping the resistance at the lowest level so I don’t throw out my sacro-ileac the way I did last year.
I’ve turned to friends for support, and I hope I’ve let them know how grateful I am for it.
I’ve pondered the challenges of moderation.
I still have a ways to go. It’s been a long time since I was the size I am today, and it feels good, and it is hard to picture what I will be like when I reach the neighborhood of my goal weight. I have figured out where to buy clothes that are proportioned correctly for me, and that is great both for my appearance and my morale.
Last night I dressed for an event at church in a new pair of flats, my new jeans from Lane Bryant and a silk sweater from Talbot’s Woman Petites department. The Princess said, "I’ve never seen you look this good! You’re beautiful!!"
That was great for my morale, too. Even if she doesn’t like my new red shoes.