I know that Snowman is leaving for Land O’Lakes Arts Academy in a little more than a month, but I’ve been having trouble settling in to making the actual plans. I remember feeling this way before #1 Son left for college three years ago. During the month of August I became quite depressed. I anticipated a life change that would be sad and difficult. I knew my nest would not be empty, but I felt it might as well be! I did not want to live through the inevitable changes.
It was easy to avoid reality because college was a mere 3 hour or so car ride away.
I’m feeling the same way about Snowman, complaining on the inside about how this is happening too soon (for me, that is), worrying about whether he’s really ready to live away from home, and worrying particularly about the great distance and the expense of travel.
Clearly, the time is growing short for booking plane tickets.
I’ve been avoiding it. It’s complicated. We need to fly together but return separately. (I hate that part.)
I’m trying to remind myself that once #1 Son got to college and settled in, and once we had a chance to adjust to being a family of four most of the time, everyone did beautifully. I’m trying to remind myself that Snowman is going in order to be challenged both musically and academically. I’m trying to remind myself that this was his idea in the first place, and that not everyone who wants to go there is good enough to be accepted, and that he is a sensible young person who will figure out whatever it is he needs to know, given time.
But I am his mother. I worry that he won’t like the food. I worry that he won’t get enough sleep. I worry that he will feel homesick.
Somehow booking the tickets makes it real.
Anyway, this morning I did it. We leave September 5th, and I come back alone on the 9th. I will have three days on campus to get to know the place and perhaps the area, too. I was hoping to stay long enough to attend one of the UCC church services in the area on Sunday morning, but the choice was a 7 a.m. flight or doubling the price of the ticket. We can’t have everything.
Does anyone ever tell a new mother that letting go someday will be the hardest part? Maybe it was in one of those boxes where you check a little square confirming you have read the fine print, even if you haven’t.