Girl Power

Oh, the humanity…

She left this morning after telling me again that perhaps Teh Other Girl is cuter than she is. We had a discussion of human attraction that went something like this.

"Maybe he just thinks I have qualities that are good for being a friend but that I’m not cute," she said.

I tried to explain that attraction is not rational.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, when you tell me you think Guitar Boy is cute, are you figuring that out logically in your head?"

She shook her head solemnly in response.

I mean, you can make a list of what you think might be attractive, but then you may meet someone who doesn’t match the list but is attractive anyway! When I met Pure Luck, I promise you, 16 inches taller than me was not on my list of things to look for in a man!

The second level of this learning process for The Princess seems to be figuring out which kind of girls make good friends and which do not.

The ones who talk about you to other people all the time and misrepresent your feelings? Not so good.

This has happened to me as an adult, and it’s about the worst feeling there can be in a social or professional situation, knowing that others have said you feel one way when you feel another, and realizing they may be assessing you based on that false information.

Why do we compete with one another in that way? We do it all through our lives. Geeky girls are harsh about cheerleaders and smart girls are harsh about pretty ones and vice versa. Mothers who work outside the home critique mothers who do not, and that cuts both ways, too. None of this is helpful, a far too extroverted process of differentiation that relies on devaluing the other. It’s troubling me today.

6 thoughts on “Oh, the humanity…”

  1. Bowling for soup has a song out about us still being in high school.
    Poor Princess, what sucky lessons to have to learn. But knowing her, she will learn them and then not be like those other kids.

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