Road Rage

RoadrageAct One:

(Songbird’s cellphone begins playing its hopped-up version of "Dies Irae.")

Songbird: Hello?

The Father of My Children: (in an aggravated tone) What are you doing? All the drivers behind you in the right lane are irritated because you’re going so slow!!!

Songbird: I’m sitting at my kitchen table.

TFoMC: Oh.

Songbird: #1 Son is on his way to pick up The Princess.

TFoMC: I’d better call him!!!

Act Two

(About an hour later.)

#1 Son: (entering house) Hello!

Songbird: I hear you got a call from your dad.

#1 Son: Well he can bite me! I know the unofficial rules of the road. But I was going 70!!!

(The speed limit? 65.)

Edited to Add: #1 Son says I remembered his part incorrectly. He said the other drivers could bite him. As to my unconscious redirection of his comment, I plead the 5th.

23 thoughts on “Road Rage”

  1. Yay for slow drivers! 🙂 Isn’t the right lane meant to be a slow lane, anyway? I guess I was even more annoying than I thought when I was driving last weekend – I stuck to 65.

  2. Where does he get off? He gave up any rights to tell you ANYTHING along time ago!
    I hope that someone drives 40 in front of him in construction for like 100 miles.

  3. Uh, yeah. Since when do ex-husbands get to call to criticize your driving? Come to think of it, non-ex-husbands better not try that, either!

  4. Ok, where did you get the Dies Irae and which Dies Irae is it? I am assuming it’s the Mozart, but there are others!

  5. I feel like a Philistine since I don’t know what Dies Irae is. But I totally identify with the leadfoot and pooh on the ex!

  6. I found that the difference between driving 80 and 64 between Birmingham and Nashville was nearly a quarter tank of gas.
    So, I’ve started to think that gas prices aren’t too high until people slow down anyway.

  7. It’s the Mozart in a synthesizer arrangment that sounds like a whole orchestra. I’ve sung it, so of course I’m picking out the alto part in my mind. If you asked me to hum the Dies Irae, you would get the alto line for sure.

  8. Dave, do you live in Birmingham or Nashville? I’m in B’ham now but lived in Nashville for a couple of years during grad school (lo these many years ago).
    Songbird, I can’t believe your ex would call you to critique your driving. Doesn’t he have something else to do? I like your version of the “bite me” better than #1 Son’s.

  9. Loved what Dave wrote. And good for #1 son for choosing to drive responsibly. What a role model for us all.
    As for ex’s comment …funny when you really think about it. I can just hear his ‘oh?’ that must have been a sweet moment!

  10. Kathy – I’m in B’ham now, at Trinity UMC in Homewood. I was also in Nashpatch for grad school. When were you there?

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