Whimsy

‘Twas a Week Before Christmas

‘Twas a week before Christmas and all through the house,
Several creatures were stirring, though nary a mouse.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of video games danced in their heads.

And I in my nightgown, Pure Luck in his cap,
Had settled our brains for a cold winter’s nap.
For some reason, however, I woke in the night,
Laid awake for a while and considered in fright

All the things left to do before Christmas day
And the stuff I forgot for this coming Sunday
Which arrives very shortly, and so I got up
And began to do dishes and checked on the pups

Who both slept so soundly it did my heart good
Then I turned to the laundry as quick as I could.
The towels, you see, were not yet in the dryer,
My son had forgotten to move them and fire

Had not broken out, which is good news at least,
But wet towels in the morning would make me a beast.
As I came back upstairs I began to remember
Things some people did long ago as September

Like arrange the refreshments we need for today
When the pageant is over and kids want to play
The ladies from Guild will make coffee and tea
But when they see no cookies, they’ll surely blame me.

Then I fret about later, when we will go caroling
(My musician backed out, our singing will be howl-a-ling)
And remember I promised a sign to be hung
At a nursing home where these carols will be sung

It’s a little late now to be hanging a sign
And I know my dear lady there will surely whine
I have no one to blame but myself, don’t you know,
And with no one to blame but myself, here I go:

Oh, Songbird, why can’t you remember the stuff
That you say you will do? I have had quite enough!
What of the sweaters? The Christmas Cards? Why
Aren’t you finished with those, Songbird, why?

Well, forgive me, mean self, for not being as good
As the inner voice likes to insist that I should
For I seem to speed through every day of the week
And manage to get most things done, though I squeak

Barely by in some cases, but still I do most
Of the things on the list, I don’t coast!
I don’t coast! I pedal and pedal until I could fall
Asleep, but then why did I wake in the small

Hours of the night, when I really am sleepy?
It’s cold and my shoulder is sore and I’m weepy.
It must be the party, those glasses of wine
I relaxed in the evening and felt mighty fine!

But in the dark hours I wake up and worry
At a time when I can’t fix it all in a hurry.
I’m looking for hi-tops for a boy who’s in jail
My Christmas cards still aren’t ready to mail

(I printed the letters, but that’s all I’ve done)
And, bless me, I took out some time to have fun
With my husband this weekend, that can’t be so wrong!
He’s the one who makes sure that the bird sings her song.

So, darn it all! Let the church people eat cake
That the people who work at the grocery store make
Let the poor Songbird rest as the sleeping dogs lie
If you cut her some slack, so will I, so will I!

Yes, I’ll go back to bed, put my head on the pillow
I’ll try then to sleep—I took three Advil—oh!
The worries I’ve had I will drive out of sight.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!

(with apologies to Clement Clark Moore)

17 thoughts on “‘Twas a Week Before Christmas”

  1. The towels, you see, were not yet in the dryer,
    My son had forgotten to move them

    I went down very late, to the dryer you see
    I believe it was about eleven-thirty.
    To move along the laundry: the goal, like you said
    And I opened the door to the dryer without dread
    Though the delicates as they dropped in the hamper
    I realized with dismay that they were quite damper
    than I would have expected, having had a full cycle,
    And I knew this a thing that you never would like, well.
    I threw them back in, closed the door, turned the knob
    And imagined you standing right there with a sob
    With no dry towels for after your shower
    But, to argue my point, it was after hours
    So I did go to bed, I needed the sleep
    For playing Joseph in the pageant, a role I shall keep
    Inevitably so you owe me one anyway
    From your parishioners’ japes I dealt with today
    Regarding my costume, I felt like a phony.
    I might as well have been wrapped up in bologna.
    So there you have it, my apologies most sincere.
    And you’ll never get me to come caroling, no no, Mother Dear.

  2. lol
    Oh Songbird…I know, I know….exhausted I collapsed into bed last night, determined to sleep right through (horrible ear having prevented a decent night’s slumber of late) only to wake at 2.00 with an unimaginable list of undone tasks floating just out of my reach overhead. In the end I got up, took some ibuprofen and ordered some liquorice for stockings online, then returned to bed, where things settled down reasonably. We finally achieved our Christmas tree this afternoon, too…but I still need an extra fortnight at least….couldn’t really afford to lose last week to illness. Grrr…

  3. That’s awesome!
    And it makes me feel better…the things I forget keeps getting longer than the things I’ve actually done…
    Oh, Merry Christmas.
    Twinkling for Jesus, Michelle

  4. Kathryn(too!), I am blessed with three very cool children.
    Michelle, welcome, and thanks for commenting.
    Oy, Kathryn (the other one!), I don’t know what I would do if I had been sick in the midst of this season.
    romy, I am looking forward to rest tonight. Every day this week will be busy, but today was the most logistically challenging.
    The cake? A huge hit, eaten right up.

  5. I personally would like #2 son to meet WG. They have a lot in common. Of course, I could never say that to WG. Then she couldn’t possibly want to have anythign to do with him.
    Rules are rules.

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