(This post is rated PVG, for Potential Vegan/Vegetarian Grossout. Non meat-eaters strongly cautioned.)
I had a brilliant idea.
Since we weren’t cooking Thanksgiving dinner here, and would have no meaningful (i.e. turkey) leftovers, I would go to the store and buy one of the sure-to-be-unpurchased fresh turkeys and cook it today.
I went to the store.
I asked for the fresh turkeys.
I was directed to the chicken case.
There were two.
Both appeared to be, let’s just say, FROZEN!!!
I asked the nice gal who was rearranging packages of chicken breasts, “Aren’t these supposed to be fresh?
She nodded. “They just came off the truck this morning.”
“They seem to be covered with, oh, ice!”
“Well, they keep the truck pretty cold.”
I brought one home anyway and gave it a tepid bath. Eventually I was able to liberate the bag of giblets from the neck cavity.
The neckbone, however, will not come out. It doesn’t seem to have been cut.
While I was wrestling with the unrepentant neckbone, Pure Luck came in from walking the dogs, looking rather, well, displeased.
“What’s wrong?” I asked cheerfully, despite having my hand inside a semi-frozen turkey.
“They were bad.”
“Both of them?” That’s a surprise. Molly is always naughty, but Sam is usually a good boy.
“Yes. First, Molly wanted to leave us and go meet some strangers. Then Sam ran off into the woods.”
“Did he find something awful?” (They have been known to discover deer carcasses. Bleh. And want to nosh on them. Double bleh.)
Pure Luck nodded gravely, then hesitated, like a person who is wondering whether to describe the terrible scene he’s witnessed. “Sam came running out of the woods with the foreleg of a deer in his mouth.”
“Then Molly tried to take it from him.”
Oh. Not a pretty sight.
“They proceeded to wrestle around trying to get it from each other. When we got to the car I had to take it away from Molly forcibly.”
He went into the bathroom to wash his hands. When he came out I asked, “Did you use soap?”
He went back into the bathroom.
The neckbone is in the turkey.
The turkey is in the oven.
The dogs are in the yard.
The legbone is still in the woods.