*A mother and her two children are entering the bakery at 11:45 a.m. on their way home from church.
#2 Son: Oh, Mom. There was water dripping from my ceiling this morning.
Songbird: (Takes a deep breath and doesn’t holler in the bakery.) Really? I might have liked to know this before we left the house 3 hours ago.
#2 Son: It wasn’t dripping much.
*They buy their bread and head home. Mother begins to become highly anxious about her roof, as #2 Son lives in the converted attic.
#2 Son: Why don’t you call Uncle Brother-in-Law the Carpenter?
Songbird: He’s away for the weekend.
The Princess: They’re always away.
Songbird: I don’t know what to do! I need a husband to tell me what to do!! (Thinks.) I could call that old husband.
#2 Son: (affecting an exagerated tone of femininity) “I lost my husband. But I have a spare two blocks away.”
Songbird: You are a very bad boy.
*Later, in the car.
#2 Son: Mom, do you want to hear a really terrible joke about Jesus?
#2 Son: It’s not that bad.
Songbird: No. What makes you think I’ll believe you when you say it’s not that bad, when you just told me it was really terrible?
#2 Son: Mom. Seriously.
Songbird: Fine. Just tell it and get it over with.
He tells the joke. Outrage ensues.
Songbird: I can’t believe you would tell such a joke. And there you are wearing that Jesus Rocks bracelet from church camp!!
The Princess: Hey! I gave that to you because I thought you were going to be respectful!
#2 Son: No givebacks.
The moral of our story? Ninth-grade boys: can’t live with’em, can’t live without…well, let’s give that some thought.