Children

Overheard after Church

*A mother and her two children are entering the bakery at 11:45 a.m. on their way home from church.

#2 Son: Oh, Mom. There was water dripping from my ceiling this morning.

Songbird: (Takes a deep breath and doesn’t holler in the bakery.) Really? I might have liked to know this before we left the house 3 hours ago.

#2 Son: It wasn’t dripping much.

*They buy their bread and head home. Mother begins to become highly anxious about her roof, as #2 Son lives in the converted attic.

#2 Son: Why don’t you call Uncle Brother-in-Law the Carpenter?

Songbird: He’s away for the weekend.

The Princess: They’re always away.

Songbird: I don’t know what to do! I need a husband to tell me what to do!! (Thinks.) I could call that old husband.

#2 Son: (affecting an exagerated tone of femininity) “I lost my husband. But I have a spare two blocks away.”

Songbird: You are a very bad boy.

*Later, in the car.

#2 Son: Mom, do you want to hear a really terrible joke about Jesus?

Songbird: No.

#2 Son: It’s not that bad.

Songbird: No. What makes you think I’ll believe you when you say it’s not that bad, when you just told me it was really terrible?

#2 Son: Mom. Seriously.

Songbird: Fine. Just tell it and get it over with.

He tells the joke. Outrage ensues.

Songbird: I can’t believe you would tell such a joke. And there you are wearing that Jesus Rocks bracelet from church camp!!

The Princess: Hey! I gave that to you because I thought you were going to be respectful!

#2 Son: No givebacks.

The moral of our story? Ninth-grade boys: can’t live with’em, can’t live without…well, let’s give that some thought.

13 thoughts on “Overheard after Church”

  1. Funny, I was having the same thought about preschool boys just a few moments ago.
    I am sort of giggly about the having a spare husband two blocks away remark. I gues it’s always funnier when it’s not your kid…

  2. Oh, he’s at that gross-humor age! It’s funny…in a very weird sort of way. (Right? Or maybe it would be funnier if it were someone else’s kid!)
    I have finally had to tell my adolescent boy students that bathroom jokes are OFF LIMITS in my studio! 🙂 (But then I have to tell the girls of the same age that political jokes are off limits. Oh, their brains sure work differently, don’t they?) 🙂

  3. Well, it really was funny. But he’s in a mood today. Tonight he told me I owe him about a million favors. I reminded him that I birthed and breastfed him. He continued to insist that all he does in the family or the house is a favor to me. I pointed out that living in community comes with responsibilities, that they are just part of being in a family.
    Think he believed that?

  4. lol
    It was at that age that I drove a carload of TeenWonder’s son for 20 miles while they discussed farts, of all things…At least no2 son’s dialogue was entertaining (to the rest of us, if not to his longsuffering mother!)
    My yr9 son is largely kept in check by his siblings…but that brings other issues, you can imagine.

  5. As I like to say, “Can’t live with ’em, can’t kill ’em and get away with it!”
    But honestly, sometimes I miss the old joke-cracking good times with CTA. He has such a dark sense of humor, I just love it!

  6. I don’t have any boys of my own, so I have to borrow the 13-year-old down the street when I want some really gross humor. Actually, he rides home from school with us. He’s really smart and quick with the humor (sounds like your #2 son), and I have to admit that I find many of his gross routines funny. He’s moving soon, and carpool won’t be the same. Kinda makes me wish I’d had a boy along the way.

  7. I don’t have any boys of my own, so I have to borrow the 13-year-old down the street when I want some really gross humor. Actually, he rides home from school with us. He’s really smart and quick with the humor (sounds like your #2 son), and I have to admit that I find many of his gross routines funny. He’s moving soon, and carpool won’t be the same. Kinda makes me wish I’d had a boy along the way.

  8. First reaction on reading this:
    “Gosh, I wish I could hear the joke.” I guess it’s my inner adolescent boy (that would be the same one who loves the movie The Big Lebowski) trying to get out.
    Second reaction:
    Can I send my son to come and live with you in about ten years or so? Sounds like you are walking the fine lines of parenting an adolescent very skillfully!

  9. Yep. Me too. I’m dying to know the joke. I guess that’s my inner boy coming out as well. (Actually, that sound’s really bad, doesn’t it?)
    BUT then again, maybe I’m not dying to know the joke… I know some really really bad ones….

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