Late in the afternoon on Easter Sunday, after two church services and a lovely Japanese dinner out, I came home and took a nap. While I was napping, the Little Princess went down the street to play with some friends who are of a more, shall we say, evangelical persuasion. They invited her in, where the dad read the Easter story to L.P. and his children. L.P. (who apparently was paying more attention to my reading of Luke’s gospel at the sunrise service than to the reading of John’s gospel at the 10 a.m. service) questioned the presence of two angels in the story she heard from our neighbor. Evangelical Mommy, who is noteworthy for always smiling and being completely passive-aggressive, explained to L.P. that the different tellings of the Easter story have different details. She leaned over to L.P. and asked, “Do you have a Bible at home?”
Now how is a minister’s kid supposed to answer that?
“Why, no, lady. My mom is the minister at the Satanic United Church of Christ, and we don’t believe in the Bible.”
“We used to, but we used it for kindling.”
“Yo, we’re UCC, we don’t need no frickin Bible!!!”
“Bible? What’s a Bible? Never heard of it.”
This all reminds me of what a little snot I was as a young person. I was in the youth group at my Southern Baptist church, and we had gathered with kids from some other churches at the local Episcopal church, to plan for an ecumenical event. Snidely, I asked, “Do you have a Bible here?” Someone indicated a cabinet, and when I opened it and took out a Bible, it was inscribed, “Placed by the Gideons.”